Top Ten Failed Characters from the X-Men Movies

Despite being a huge X-Men fan (or perhaps because of it), the X-Men movies have been a pretty big disappointment. Sure, they got some stuff right. Patrick Stewart made a great Xavier (although his dialog could use a bit more substance) and they did a great job turning Hugh Jackman into Wolverine, but other than these two who receive the majority of screen time, the rest of the cast is pretty weak. It might be the actors, the makeup, or the script, but here are the top ten failed characters from the X-Men movies.

10. Lady Deathstrike

One things that comes from studying film (and particularly screenwriting) is that you know how the sausage is made. You can see when something was included as a marketing decision rather than for the merits of the story. In X2, Lady Deathstrike was included for a third-act fight scene for Wolverine. The scene climaxes with a needlessly brutal death... as is customary for the third-act fight scene. Granted, Deathstrike was never the most developed character. She had a romance with Logan in the pre-Weapon X days. Her father was involved in the Weapon X experiment and Logan killed her in a rage when he escaped, so Lady Deathstrike turned herself into a weapon to take her revenge. It is very much a samurai story. However ,none of this was used in the movie; she was merely Stryker's brainwashed bodyguard.

9. Rogue

Her name is Rogue, not Wallflower. Is there anything in Anna Paquin's character that would suggest the name Rogue? No. She just runs away and adopts a weird name. Non-fans love Rogue because she has a compelling power, but they don't care about her personality. This is someone who started off as a villain and had to redeem herself with the X-Men. Of course, you wouldn't know this from the movies. The movie named Rogue "Marie" which the comics then echoed by calling her "Anna Marie" (presumably the Anna is a nod to the actress), but it just reminds me of how crappy her character was. I like that she has a name now, but I don't like where it came from.

8. Magneto

I have nothing against Ian McKellen. He is a great actor, he was fantastic as Gandalf, and he was great in Bryan Singer's previous film, Apt Pupil. That said, I don't think he made for a good Magneto. Partly it was the script, but McKellen isn't the charismatic figure that Magneto is in the comics. The comic book Magneto has the build of a dashing hero. He is every bit as inspiring and heroic as Professor X... maybe more so. That is what makes him such a compelling figure. The difference between Magneto and the X-Men is small but crucial. He shouldn't be hatching mad schemes to turn world leaders into mutants by killing a young mutant. He should be trying to build a mutant utopia though intelligent hard work and determination. He makes such a great villain because he believes he is a hero.

7. Cyclops

In the movies, Scott was pretty much the butt of Wolverine's jokes. His secondary role served as a romantic counterpoint for Jean Grey. And that was it. But the X-Men is really about Cyclops. Wolverine may be Han Solo, but Cyclops is Luke Skywalker. His mutant power serves as a metaphor for all mutants: powerful and dangerous. The self-control he shows is representative of the X-Men's philosophy of self-responsibility and self-actualization. He isn't going to go up to Wolverine and say "Stay away from my woman." James Marsden's Cyclops reminded me of Tom Cruise in... everything he's done, but Scott in the comics is a more serious and substantial person than that... which is why Wolverine slowly grows to respect him.

6. Sabretooth

Not many people get Sabretooth. They see him as a weaker version of Wolverine. That's why they cast the wrestler Tyler Mane in the first movie. Like Lady Deathstrike, he didn't need to act. He just needed to be a good third-act fight scene for Hugh Jackman. (BTW, is there anything more cheesy Hollywood than fighting on top of the Statue of Liberty?) Liev Schriver was better in X-Men Origins: Wolverine, but he still didn't quite embody the horror of this character.

Sabretooth is Hannibal Lecter with the strength and temper of Mike Tyson. He is a sadist and a psychopath. He lives to cause others pain and none more than Wolverine. He has no agenda other than causing human suffering.

5. Deadpool

Wow. Where to start. One, Ryan Reynolds wasn't very funny in Wolverine. Maybe he will be with the right script in his own movie, but I probably would have gone more with someone like Alan Tudyk. Two, could you have come up with a stupider ending? I think we have stumbled on a carnal sin of action films and comic book films in particular: THE THIRD ACT VILLAIN! They just threw a bunch of powers into one character and CGI'd the fuck out of it.

4. Beast

Another character that a lot of people don't seem to get. Beast isn't stuffy. He isn't an uptight intellectual, he is an arm chair intellectual. He is an NPR listening, Shakespeare reading liberal scientist, but I bet you he also loves George Carlin, Gorillaz, Robot Chicken, video games... He is like Kevin Smith only he accentuates his intellectualism instead of hiding it. Also, they need to invest in some good CGI if they want to capture the cool movements of Beast.

3. Mystique

I know that, as a guy, complaining about a naked model makes me gay, but I have the internet for looking at naked women. I don't need gratuitous cheesecake especially when it undermines the character. That said, Mystique should be sexy, but I would have chosen Lara Flynn Boyle. The role requires a seductress, not a model. Mystique is like a Bond villain with shapeshifting powers. She should know how to fight, but she shouldn't do ridiculous flips while fighting Wolverine barehanded. She isn't that good. Her strength is her intellect. She plans ahead, disorients her victims, and when necessary, uses a gun to take them from a distance. In the end, she should always have the upper hand.

2. Storm

Sorry, Halle, but you know that you are just lucky that you didn't make number one on this list. The accent was bad. The hair got better, but you just weren't right for the role. Did the casting call say "black female?" Ororo is supposed to be a tall, strong, curvaceous woman. She is supposed to be exotic, wise, and uninhibited. In other words, she is supposed to be a far more complex person that these movies were willing to portray. Halle Berry fails completely to bring to life the character of the comics, but I think at least 50% of the blame can go to the scripts. "What happens when a toad is struck by lightning?" You lose all respect from the audience, that's what.

1. William Stryker

X2 is considered by most to be the best movie, but I can't help but compare it to possibly the best X-Men comic: God Loves, Man Kills. This was the basis for the movie, but in the comic, he was an Evangelical preacher. Considering how supposedly liberal Hollywood is, this was a pretty cowardly, conservative move. Despite this, he was accused of being both an anti-military and anti-Islamic representation by separate nutjob groups. As a military man who wants to destroy mutants, the symbolism is lost. Religion might not be something you want to talk about in a commercial work, but it is a major source of bigotry and the studio completely whitewashed that to make a profit. Singer, if you want to play up the gay angle on the X-Men, I think we can agree that there are no rogue military operatives trying to wipe out the gays, but Evangelical preachers? That's what they do every day!