Then I got home and found out my cousin was killed... murdered, actually...
He was stabbed six times in the chest outside of his work... puncturing his lungs and heart. He was 25.
I don't know how to feel about this. We weren't particularly close. There was even a period when I didn't like him at all, but that had long since passed. I actually just... well, I thought of him as someone normal enough or outgoing enough to really be happy. He seemed to know what he wanted out of life and was going for it.Now he can't.
And here I was spending the morning thinking my life wasn't worth living. I'd like to say it gave me a new found respect for life... but really... I don't know.
You kind of mentally prepare yourself for accidents or disease... but not murder. Random chance feels more like an act of god. This was an act of man.
It just... He had a lot to live for... I think.
Why am I here wasting my life... while his life was wasted? Why am I alive for no reason and he is dead for no reason?
Should I even be thinking of myself at all when... My problems just seem so stupid when compared to this... I was just thinking about what it would be like to die and what my family would think. And then someone in my family actually dies... someone younger than me...
I'm having trouble believing in any sense of order and sanity in the universe right now. Score one for nihilism.
Rest in peace, buddy.
1 comment:
Did you know Matt was diagnosed bipolar? And his last girlfriend died (in a car accident, I think). Just reminds us that yes, he worked hard to have a good life despite very difficult things, and that the life he had, simple, small, making pizza and DJ'ing in a local club, was still a remarkable one and that he was loved by many. As you are loved by many. As you are remarkable.
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