Hitchhiker's Guide to the Marvel Universe - Part 2: Cosmic Beings

Continuing from Part 1: Alien Races, this is the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Marvel Universe.

Here are just the most relevant and important members of Marvel's cosmology. While there have been many "all powerful beings" in Marvel's history, these are the ones who have been around longest and continue to make an impact in the Marvel universe. Created mostly by Jack Kirby and Jim Starlin, they re-envisioned a pantheon of gods for the scientific age.

PART 2: COSMIC BEINGS

Celestials

The Celestials are arguably the most influential cosmic beings in the universe. They do not communicate in any manner that lesser beings are capable of understanding (i.e. auditory, visual, telepathic, mystic, etc.) so their motives have never been entirely clear. However, their actions have shown them to a species dedicated to the forced evolution of life forms on multiple worlds, including the Earth and the Skrull homeworld. It is theorized that the predominance of superhuman variety and the evolution of the mutant race is due their prehistoric experiments on early hominids.

The initial appearance of the Celestials on Earth is known as the First Host, which occurred roughly one million years ago. This resulted in the creation of two sub-species: the Eternals and the Deviants. The Second Host occurred around 18,000 BC when they returned to judge their creations. Displeased with the barbarous nature of the Deviants, the Celestials sank their island kingdom known as Lemuria and, incidentally, the unrelated nation of Atlantis in an event that would be known as the Great Cataclysm. The Third Host occurred in the 10th century when the Celestials were confronted by the the Council of Godheads, represented the various pantheons of gods that had adopted the Earth since the Celestials' last visit (i.e. Norse, Greek, etc.). Yet even their combined power could not defeat the Celestials and they swore a pact of non-interference. Finally, the Fourth Host arrived only a few years ago to judge the Earth and decide whether or not to spare their creations. Convinced by Thor, the gods decided to break their pact by defeningd the Earth, but still, they failed. The judgement of the Celestials may transform a planet into a paradise or destroy it entirely. The Earth was spared only due to an offering from the Earth spirit, Gaea [see below].

In the potential future of Marvel's Earth X, it is revealed that the Earth was impregnated with a gestating Celestial and the superhumans were created as anti-bodies to defend it. This means that the role of Galactus is to destroy planets to prevent the birth of more Celestials. In Abnett & Lanning's Guardians of the Galaxy, the team finds their headquarters in the severed head of a Celestial, which possesses the ability to teleport to any location in the universe.

Notable Celestials: Arishem the Judge, Ashema the Listener, Exitar the Executioner, Gammenon the Gatherer

First Appearance: Eternals #2 (Aug. 1976)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: 1/2

Galactus

The devourer of worlds, Galactus possesses the nearly unparalleled "power cosmic," which can do nearly anything imaginable, along with an equally powerful hunger, satiated only by devouring living worlds. Although he can change size at will, he is usually depicted somewhere between the size of a skyscraper and Manhattan Island itself.

Galactus only exercises his powers when necessary and has come to rely on heralds to seek out suitable planets to devour. Galactus was repelled from devouring Earth due to the betrayal of his herald, the Silver Surfer, and the interference of the Watcher known as Uatu [see below]. Since then, Galactus has devoured many other worlds including the Skrull Throneworld, sending their galactic empire into chaos.

Galactus was originally a humanoid scientist known as Galan. He was the last survivor of the previous universe. When engulfed by the Big Crunch, he was transformed and, after billions of years in gestation, he emerged as Galactus, devourer of worlds.

Notable Heralds: Silver Surfer, Firelord, Terrax the Tamer, Nova (Frankie Raye), Stardust
First Appearance: Fantastic Four #49 (March 1966)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: 1/5

The Watchers

The Watchers are one of the oldest races in the universe, possessing unimaginable wisdom and power, yet they are pledged not to interfere in the development of other worlds. Instead, the Watchers observe, study, and record the development of other worlds. They often appear at times of great import.

The most well-known Watcher to Earth is Uatu who maintains a hidden base in the Blue Area of the Moon. He has violated his oath in subtle yet profound ways to ensure its continued survival. Uatu has been banished from his kind for his behavior, but he has been forgiven as well. Recently, Uatu was found murdered with his eyes removed. As of this entry, the investigation is in progress.

Notable Watchers: Uatu, Aron
First Appearance: Fantastic Four #14 (April 1963)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: 1/3

Eternity

This entity is the very embodiment of the universe itself in corporeal form. He claims to serve the "One-Above-All," suggested to be the one truly omnipotent God in the multiverse.

It is said that Eternity has a twin sister named Infinity. Both representing aspects of "necessity," Eternity represents time while Infinity represents space, however Infinity has been excluded from this entry as she has not nearly been so prominent in major events.

First Appearance of Eternity: Strange Tales #138 (Nov. 1965)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: 1/10

Death

The embodiment of Death is typically depicted as a beautiful, yet somber woman dressed in a dark hooded robe. Yet at times, she appears only as a skeleton. She says little to nothing, conveying no joy in her actions nor motivation beyond her given purpose. She has long been courted by the Mad Titan, Thanos, who seeks her favor. To date, he has been denied his request, despite his generous tributes.

Like Eternity, Death is said to have a twin named Oblivion, representing entropy and the void. Yet like Infinity, Oblivion has not had the exposure of his counterpart. Together with Galactus, these five are said to represent the entire struggle of existence.

First Appearance of Death: Captain Marvel #27 (July 1973)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: 1/2

The Living Tribunal

The Living Tribunal is a multidimensional entity whose job it is to oversee and maintain the balance of realities. Although its difficult to grade cosmic beings in terms of scale (since they are all beyond human comprehension), the Living Tribunal is considered to be the second most powerful being in existence (presumably second to Eternity).

First Appearance: Strange Tales #157 (June 1967)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: 1/10

Master Order & Lord Chaos

Fairly self-explanatory, these two cosmic entities represent the forces of order and chaos themselves. These opposing yet complimentary aspects are manipulators of lesser beings for reasons they are incapable of understanding. In the past, they have manipulated the heroes of Earth into battling both Thanos and the In-Betweener [see below].

First Appearance of Master Order & Lord Chaos: Marvel Two-In-One Annual #2 (1977)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: 1/15

In-Betweener

As depicted by his form, the In-Betweener is an agent of balance and duality whose relationship with Master Order and Lord Chaos is one of both service and opposition. Like them, he seems to be part of a cosmic mechanism that we cannot comprehend...

First Appearance of the In-Betweener: Warlock #10 (Dec. 1975)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: 1/20

Eon

Born eight billion years ago of Eternity and Infinity, Eon was charged with protecting the Celestial Axis, the pattern of life energy threading through the universe. It views our reality from another dimension it refers to as "the Mists of Time." Eon can project its power through a champion granting cosmic awareness and quantum bands which possess incredible abilities.

Notable Champions of Eon: Captain Mar-Vell, Quasar
First Appearance of Eon: Captain Marvel #28 (Sept. 1973)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: 1/15

Ego, the Living Planet

When the planet Ego was formed, the coalescing matter was infused with a conscious bacteria (referred to as Super-Ego) which imbued the planet with sentience. Possessing nearly unparalleled psionic abilities, Ego has constructed a body out of the planet with organs the size of continents. While he has formed both a male face and gender, he speaks telepathically and can travel at interstellar speeds. However, Ego is mentally unstable and often threatens inhabited worlds for irrational reasons.

First Appearance: Thor #132 (Sept. 1966)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: 1/10

Gaea

Unique from the other gods of Earth, Gaea is an "Elder God" and a manifestation of the spirit of the Earth itself. Created by the potential of life on Earth with her siblings, Set, Oshtur, and Chthon, Gaea was the only one to maintain her sanity and compassion while the others transformed into the Earth's first demons.

By mating with their creator, the Demiurge, Gaea gave birth to Atum, the Sun God, who destroyed the other gods except for Chthon and Set who escaped to other dimensions. Gaea then released her power into the Earth as a gift to all living things, however she has still been known to manifest her corporeal form, most notably when she mated with Odin to give birth to Thor.

First Appearance of Gaea: Doctor Strange #6 (Feb. 1975)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: 1/30

The Stranger

Perhaps the oddest name on this odd list, the Stranger is an all-powerful alien being with a very silly mustache. He considers himself a scientist with an interest in genetic anomalies, which led him to kidnapping both Magneto and the Abomination. However, it has never been clear what his motivations and origin are. He seems to be studying for idle curiosity, yet his powers have placed him in the company of the other great cosmic beings.

The Stranger has a planet upon which he contains his test animals and performs his experiments. It is simply known as Lab-World.

First Appearance of the Stranger: X-Men #11 (May 1965)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: 1/15

Phoenix Force

Born in the formation of the universe, the Phoenix represents life itself. It is immortal and uncaring, capable of nurturing life or suffocating it. It is a figure of worship in the Shi'ar pantheon, fabled protector of the M'Kraan Crystal (called "the Nexus of All Realities").

The Phoenix has been known to possess a human host, usually an individual gifted with significant telepathic abilities. An individual possessed by the Phoenix will have their natural abilities augmented by the nearly limitless power of the Phoenix. However, it is too powerful to be contained by a mortal host. In all cases, madness and death have been the end result for wielders of the Phoenix force.

Notable Phoenix Hosts: Jean Grey, Rachel Summers, Emma Frost, Cyclops, Colossus, Magik, Stepford Cuckoos, Hope Summers
First Appearance: The X-Men #100 (Aug. 1976)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: 1/30

Captain Universe

The Uni-Power is an extra-dimensional cosmic energy which emanates from the Enigma Force, so named because its source it unknown. This power is often temporarily bestowed upon a single individual, transforming them into Captain Universe. The most recent host, Tamara Devoux, was identified as the embodiment of the universe itself and the guardian of Eternity.

Notable Captain Universes: Ray Coffin, Spider-Man, Juggernaut. Tamara Devoux
First Appearance: Micronauts #8 (Aug. 1978)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: 1/15

The Elders of the Universe

As the name suggests. the Elders of the Universe are some of the oldest beings in the universe, each the last of their own race. They have discovered the secret of immortality and formed a coalition, yet they only find purpose in obsessive hobbies that have subsumed their own sense of identity. Each of the Elders has amassed incredible power by various means enabling them to be classified as cosmic beings.

Notable Elders of the Universe: Collector, Grandmaster, Architect, Caregiver, Astronomer, Contemplator, Explorer, Fallen One, Gardener, Judicator, Possessor, Obliterator, Runner, Trader
First Appearance: Avengers #28 (May 1966)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: Confirmed (Collector)

Coming Soon...

Part 3: Terrestrial Races

The Best of Original Internet Programming

Who needs television any more? It is way too expensive and the commercials are insufferable, even if you can skip past them. There is a lot of great original programming available for free online! These are all videos made either by private individuals for the sheer pleasure of doing it or are part of a small group of like minded nerds. 

FILM

Escape to the Movies & The Big Picture

Over at The Escapist, MovieBob has two different video segments done with his signature fast-paced delivery and barely repressed Boston accent. Although I have at times angrily disagreed with him (a caveat I could [but won't] put on every reviewer here), overall I think he is extremely insightful and clever.

Escape to the Movies is his weekly movie review show (spoiler sensitive) while The Big Picture features a broad variety of pop culture topics framed in a larger context.

Movie Defense Force

Contrary to the goals of most reviewers in this category, the Movie Defense Force does exactly what their name suggests. When a film is given a bad reputation, they step up to defend them. In some cases, this can be appalling (i.e. Batman & Robin and The Phantom Menace), but in other cases, like the one below, they clearly stand on the side of cinematic history... if not box office receipts.

 

Mr. Plinkett Reviews

While I hate to pick a favorite, there is only one that I can watch over and over, laughing my ass off the entire time. "Mr. Plinkett" is the fictional alter ego of Red Letter Media's Mike Stoklasa. He is a fat, old, disgusting, sociopath who just happens to watch a lot of movies and has surprisingly insightful things to say, although he occasionally lapses into bouts of insanity, rage, misogyny, kidnapping, and of course, murder. These are qualities that might be off putting to some viewers, so it may help to keep in mind that Mr. Plinkett is a character from Red Letter Media's previous short films which fall under the horror/comedy category.

These reviews became famous following Mr. Plinkett's review of Star Wars: Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace which clocks in at almost an hour and ten minutes long, but never seems boring due to the eccentric character and comedic editing. However, Plinkett had previously produced reviews of all four Star Trek: The Next Generation films and subsequently the remaining Star Wars prequels, Indiana Jones & the Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls, J.J. Abram's 2009 Star Trek reboot, and even children's films Baby's Day Out and Cop Dog.

Also featured on the site, audio commentary tracks for Star Wars: Episode 4 (the new cut) and Star Trek 5. While you might think that simple audio tracks would lack the comedy and production value of the edited videos, you would be wrong.

Half in the Bag

Red Letter Media also produces a semi-regular review show featuring recent theatrical releases. Half in the Bag is hosted by Mike Stoklasa and Jay Bauman, but like the Mr. Plinkett Reviews, they have a fictional framing device. They are both VCR repair men who frequently take advantage of the senile Mr. Plinkett in a series of vignettes in the style of a '70s sitcom. In these videos, Plinkett is played by the third part of RLM's principle trio, Rich Evans, who occasionally steps into a different character to join in their discussions... usually when the featured movie is a superhero or sci-fi film.

Best of the Worst

The third series regularly produced by Red Letter Media, this one reviews predominantly (but not exclusively) B-movies. Their goal is to find three terrible movies and find the Best of the Worst. Usually, all three movies are just awful, but occasionally they will find a diamond in the rough, whether they are laughing with it or at it. However, the worst of the worst will be destroyed in new and creative ways.

Best of the Worst also features a segment entitled the Wheel of the Worst where they review movies that pretty much no one would watch unless they had to: safety videos, home workout videos, pet enthusiast videos, and much much more. While they always look painful to watch, hearing them talk about them is always hilarious.

Nostalgia Critic

One of the longest running, most popular, and most well-produced film reviews on the internet, the Nostalgia Critic (as his name implies) specializes in reviewing films from his childhood... and since we are roughly the same age, these are also the films of my childhood. To date, the Nostalgia Critic has produced over a hundred reviews on everything from The Wizard and Patch Adams to Face/Off and Batman & Robin. Like Mr. Plinkett, the Nostalgia Critic is a comedic angry man, although considerably less sociopathic.

In addition to reviews, the Nostalgia Critic has produced numerous Top 11 lists, a television review segment called Raiders of the Lost Storyarc, a remake/reboot review segment called Old Versus New, numerous editorials, and overviews on the history of Disney animation, Pixar, Dreamworks, and Nickelodeon. Additionally, the Nostalgia Critic has gathered other amateur reviewers under a banner called Channel Awesome. These reviewers frequently appear in his reviews as guests in an effort to cross-promote each other.

Although there are many reviews that could demonstrate the humor and production value of a Nostalgia Critic review, my personal favorite was the recent review of Man of Steel.

The Bunny Perspective

As far as I know, this is the only film review show featuring a puppet. The Bunny Perspective features a cute pot-smoking bunny rabbit who offers his perspective on what just so happens to be some of my favorite things of all time including Boston Legal, The Maxx, and Six-String Samurai.

It also features a regular review called Runken Drecaps in which a volunteer agrees to drink excessively while watching a movie they have never seen before. They then try to explain the movie in front of a camera. Unfortunately, this one does not update nearly as often as the others.

Cinema Sins (AKA Everything Wrong With)

A very popular segment on YouTube, Cinema Sins features a quick count of every "sin" they can find in a film. These sins may include continuity errors, factually incorrect statements, or simply poor decisions on the part of the producers. Naturally, these sins are very subjective, but like any good reviewer, occasionally they will point out things that become obvious in retrospect and therein lies the humor. The recently started a second segment called What's The Damage? featuring a cost analysis of the damage featured in various films.

How It Should Have Ended

These short animated segments, as the name suggests, offer a "better" ending to popular movies. Usually these endings expose the kind of gaping plot holes that are typical of a Hollywood ending. How It Should Have Ended pretty much says all it needs to.

Honest Trailers

Honest Trailers produces authentically designed trailers with their own booming narrator who suggests a more honest (and far less marketable) way to advertise popular films. These videos are not only great at making fun of the movies themselves, but also the bombastic style in which film trailers are made. They have recently began a segment called Honest Action in which a doctor is asked to estimate the damage taken by leading characters in a popular action film.

GAMES

Angry Video Game Nerd

Now, by all accounts, it seems that the forerunner of this entire movement is James Rolfe. Beginning in 2004, James Rolfe began reviewing original Nintendo games under the alias of the Angry Nintendo Nerd. As he began to expand into reviewing other consoles, he became the Angry Video Game Nerd. He continues to publish these reviews and more under the Cinemassacre banner, which is currently at work on the Angry Video Game Movie. His iconic look consists of a flat top, glasses, and white shirt with pocket protector. He inspired probably everyone on this list, either directly or indirectly, and his videos are insightful, funny, and completely over the top. I would recommend this to any old school gamer. Just look up any game that drove you crazy as a child and you will find some reassurance here that your feelings were shared.

This show has actually been made into several video games which he has recently reviewed.

Zero Punctuation

Another reviewer from The Escapist, Yahtzee is a fast-talking Australian with a horrible, yet insightful mind. His brutally honest assessment cuts to the heart of the problems in gaming which always make his a wonderful exception to the often shallow world of video game reviews. Yet I think his greatest gift is his ability to find bizarre, yet perfectly relateable similes for common problems in the video game design.

Zero Punctuation reviews current games, so find one that you have played so that you can get a full appreciation of what he's talking about.

Table Top

An exception to the other reviews on this list, Table Top (naturally) reviews table top games and is hosted by Wil Wheaton who played Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: The Next Generation. The show features celebrity guests (usually from the world of internet video or television) who have been invited by Wil to play a game of his choice. It starts with a brief explanation, but the fun is in watching them play the game and learning along with them. This is a great show if you are looking for a game to buy or simply for watching funny, interesting people enjoy themselves.

Co-Optitude

One of the biggest names in internet video programming is Felicia Day who has appeared in such Joss Whedon projects as Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog and Dollhouse. She also runs the programming company Geek & Sundry which includes the previously mentioned Table Top. However, the program of hers that I most enjoy is Co-Optitude where she plays an old school video game with her brother, Ryon. However, since they didn't grow up with proper video games, they are terrible and half the fun is watching exactly how terrible they are.

Extra Credits

However, if you are serious about video games and you want to understand how the relationship between the gamer, the game, and the game designer, you should absolutely check out Extra Credits.  This is a show for the thinking gamer and it is a must for anyone interested in game designer. Admittedly, this can go a bit too in-depth for the casual gamer, but they are the kind of insightful gamers that you wish were running the industry.

Hey Ash, Whatchu Playin'?

Now, if you want dark non-sensical comedy about some of your favorite video games, you owe it to yourself to check out Hey Ash, Whatchu Playin'? This series features Ash, a carefree and often cruel young woman, who is completely ruled by her ID. As Ash plays the latest video games, her world blends with their world in often weird and creative ways. Professional quality humor and production in short doses.

And there you have it! Plenty of quality programming out there and no TV necessary! Hope you found something you like!

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Marvel Universe - Part 1: Alien Races

In preparation for Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy feature film, I have been reading the Guardians of the Galaxy and all assorted tie-in comics. And there are a lot of them... a whole freaking lot of them... an intimidating and confusing lot of them. Fortunately, most of them are good, so it works out, but it probably also helps to have a basic understanding of the world involved. I'm sure the new film will tell us all we need to know, but for anyone who wants to be able to identify all the references going in, I present to you... the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Marvel Universe!

DISCLAIMER: This guide covers only homodimensional races and entities. For information concerning the Negative Zone, Microverse, Asgardian realms, Olympus, Limbo, Otherworld, Mojoverse, or any other asynchronous dimension, please consult the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Marvel Omniverse (coming soon!).

ANOTHER DISCLAIMER: The above is an unofficial fan-made map, but it seems to be fairly accurate based on references to human star charts. However, Earth has also frequently been used as a halfway point between all three galactic empires, which conflicts with this depiction.

PART 1: ALIEN RACES

 

The Galactic Empires

 

Skrull

Located in the Andromeda Galaxy, the Skrull Empire is the oldest existing empire in the known universe. A humanoid species identifiable by their green skin, pointed ears, and chin ridges, the Skrull possess the ability to shapeshift for prolonged periods of time. This defense mechanism has formed the basis for their expansionist military strategy: mimic indigeonous lifeforms, infiltrate their system of government, and dismantle their defenses from within.

Formerly a peaceful people, the Skrulls turned violent when their technology was stolen and used against them by the Kree. This incident sparked a war that continued for millennia and shaped the development of two galaxies locked in perpetual conflict. At some unknown point in time, the Skrulls left their original homeworld of Skrullos for Tarnax IV (later renamed Throneworld) in the center of their conquered galaxy.

Roughly twelve years before present Marvel time, the Skrull discovered a space warp to a star possessing an equidistant link from Throneworld to Hala. The star contained only one inhabited world by a race that had barely begun to travel in space. The natives called it Earth. The Skrull sent a scout team to investigate, but they were repelled by the newly formed Fantastic Four.

The Skrulls soon experimented with duplicating the powers of the Fantastic Four in a single volunteer, an honored Skrull warrior named Kl'rt who was then renamed "Super-Skrull." Yet even he failed to conquer the Earth.

Soon after, Throneworld was unexpectedly visited by the planet-devouring entity known as Galactus (see Part 2: Cosmic Beings). With the center destroyed, the empire fell into chaos with rival lords claiming the right of succession. However, the Skrulls are highly adaptable and have continued to be a significant threat to Earth, the Kree, the Shi'ar, and the Xandarians.

The Skrulls have also mutated in recent years due to both natural and unnatural causes. Warskrulls were genetically engineered to mimic superhuman powers for the purpose of invading the Shi'ar Empire and replacing key targets. Soon after, it was revealed that a Skrulls were randomly developing superhuman abilities similar to human mutants (see Part 3: Non-Human Earth Races) and designated "K-class deviants."

These separate mutations became the basis for new Super-Skrull experiments that began a new an elaborate "Secret Invasion" of Earth. Unlike previous attempts, this one required the bulk of the Skrull resources. Rather than a means to an end, the Skrull Queen Vernanke used scripture to claim that Earth was the lost Skrull homeworld. This invasion was seen as a holy quest to the Skrull. When this invasion failed, it caused massive damage to the Skrull empire.

Notable Skrulls: Dorrek, R'Klll, Anelle, Veranke, Kl'rt (Super-Skrull)*, Lyja, Jazinda
Offshoot Races: Dire Wraith, Warskrulls, Super-Skrulls, K-class deviants (mutants) 
First Appearance: Fantastic Four #2 (Jan. 1962)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: 1/2

Kree

When the Kree race was young and barbaric, they shared their planet of Hala with the peaceful plant race called the Cotati. One day, they were visited by aliens from another galaxy called the Skrulls. These aliens wished to share their wisdom and technology with the native people, but in order to decide which were the more worthy race, the Skrulls had to conduct a test. They took seventeen of each, Kree and Cotati, and placed them on distant moons with advanced tools to build their ideal civilization. When the Skrulls returned years later to judge their work, they favored the Cotati. Enraged, the Kree turned on them both, stealing the Skrull technology, and wiping out the Cotati. The Kree were very smart and in the time in took for the Skrulls to learn of this treachery, they had adapted and replicated the Skrull technology thereby beginning the Kree-Skrull War, defining each race and their galaxies in mutual enmity.

The Kree Empire quickly grew in the area of space known on Earth as the Greater Magellanic Cloud. As the Cotati were driven to near extinction, a pascifist group of Kree known as the Priest of Pama swore to hide and protect them. In time, the priest came to worship the few remaining Cotati.

Roughly 250 year into the Kree-Skrull War, the Kree heard rumors of a Skrull super-weapon called the "Cosmic Cube." Although a terrifying failure, the Kree did not know and thus wished to design their own. Unable to master the technology, they developed a hyper-intelligent cyber-organic entity which came to be known as the Supreme Intelligence (or Supremor). However, Supremor determined the Cosmic Cube would be too dangerous and refused to build it. In time, the Kree realized the value of their creation and the Supreme Intelligence became the guiding force of the Kree Empire.

The Supreme Intelligence recognized a flaw in the Kree genetic makeup. The species was no longer evolving. In order to prevent genetic stagnation, the Kree began conducting genetic experimentation on alien worlds. Although this did not solve their problems, it did produce powerful creatures which were initially encouraged as weapons against the Kree. On Earth, these creations were known as the Inhumans. These experiments were abandoned when they revolted, but the Kree left a single robotic Sentry on each planet to keep an eye on their creations - afraid that their creations might return to haunt them.

It wasn't until thousands of years later when the Fantastic Four encountered and narrowly defeated Sentry-459. The destruction of the Sentry brought the attention of Ronan the Accuser, enforcer of Kree law. When he was defeated by the same superhuman team, this led to the Kree conducting a spying mission led by Captain Mar-Vell. However, this mission ended in disaster when Mar-Vell betrayed the Kree Empire to defend the Earth. With rising tensions in the military command structure due to unprecedented failures, Ronan led a coup to remove Supremor from power.

With the discovery of a equidistant link between Hala and Throneworld near Earth, the planet soon found itself in the middle of the ancient conflict between the two warring worlds. This brought the attention of the Avengers who found themselves fighting both sides. The war was finally ended by the intervention of the Supreme Intelligence who channeled his vast power through a human boy named Rick Jones. This ended the Kree-Skrull War and bonded Rick Jones to the renegade Kree warrior, Captain Marvel.

Shortly after, the Kree were involved in brief conflict with the Shi'ar Empire in the vicinity Earth. Although the Earth was spared due to intervention by the Avengers, the Kree population was devastated by a Nega-Bomb in their space causing them to surrender to the Shi'ar Empire. However, it was later revealed that this event was engineered by the Supreme Intelligence to encourage Kree evolution. Although 90% of the people were killed, 10% developed a mutation and became a sub-species called the Ruul. These Kree could actually transform instinctively in hazardous environments. By manipulating the Kree political system, they had Earth declared a penal colony and, for a short time, the planet became the dumping ground for alien criminals. However, this decision was reversed due to protests from Earth's superhuman community. The current state of the Ruul is unknown, but it has been theorized that they have been eliminated from existence by Genis-Vell in a temporary case of omnipotent power.

Following the Negative Zone invasion known as the Annihilation Wave, the Kree Empire succeeded from Shi'ar rule. However, while bolstering their weakened defenses, Hala was victim to a sneak attack from the Phalanx. Although the Kree eventually won the war, their empire was shattered. Following the Secret Invasion of Skrull on Earth, the Inhumans decided to declare themselves a universal force by invading Hala. Ronan the Accuser eagerly surrendered, believing the Inhumans capable of restoring the strength of the empire. This strength was instrumental in defending itself when Vulcan usurped the Shi'ar throne and began expanding into Kree territory. Although both sides were devastated and the universe was horribly scarred, the war ended in victory for the Kree as the Shi'ar surrendered. However, the Kree were recently abandoned by the Inhumans following an event known as the Summoning reuniting Inhumans from six separate worlds. Although Supremor foresees his destruction in these events, they have yet to play out in their entirety.


Notable Kree: Mar-Vell (Captain Marvel), Ronan the Accuser, Korath the Pursuer, Noh-Varr (Marvel Boy), Yon-Rogg, Ko-Rel
Offshoot Races: Ruul
First Appearance: Fantastic Four #65 (Aug. 1967)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: Confirmed (Ronan the Accuser & Korath the Pursuer)

Shi'ar

"Sharra and K'ythri are the gods in marriage. The gods who didn't want to marry, but were forced into it. In marriage they found strength and in strength they found love. That's what the Shi'ar Imperium does. It marries other cultures. Shotgun weddings." - Warren Ellis, Starjammers #1

The Shi'ar is both a race of people and the name for an empire consisting of many different worlds. Although many of their world were conquered through military force, the Shi'ar see themselves as benevolent rulers bringing order to a universe that instinctively wishes to destroy that which is different.

The Shi'ar themselves are an avian humanoid species almost identical to humans. The primary difference is their thin build, hollow bones, and feather-like hair follicles. Occasionally, they will also grow vestigial feathers on their forearms. The Shi'ar are also an egg-laying species

The Shi'ar government functions by the rule of a single hereditary leader called the Majestor or Majestrix. The Neramani bloodline has been on the throne for many generations, but their hold on the empire became tenuous with the madness of Emperor D'Ken. After his death, the empire was ruled by Empress Lilandra until a brief coup by her cousin, Deathbird. Although Lilandra was restored to the throne, the empire was soon usurped by the human mutant Vulcan who led the empire to its most devastating defeat to the Kree Empire. Though both sides seem peacefully contented as present, this is likely a very temporary arrangement.

The most sacred object in the Shi'ar Empire is the M'Kraan Crystal, also known as "the end of worlds" or "Nexus of All Realities." Shi'ar legend says that it was a gift from their gods Sharra and K'ythri, but its true origins are unknown but it seems to be tied to connected to the Phoenix Force, a cosmic entity of life and death.
The Shi'ar maxim of strength through diversity is symbolized by their elite Imperial Guard which is composed of representative from many different member planets. Often when one of the guardsmen fall, their world will select a replacement to adopt their legacy.

Notable Shi'ar: Lilandra, D'Ken, Deathbird*, Cerise, Araki
Offshoot Races: Spartoi
First Appearance: X-Men #97 (Feb. 1976)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: 1/5

 

 The Lesser Empires 

 

Badoon

The Badoon are an unusual species in that their society is has schismed along gender lines. They are ruled separately by the Brotherhood and Sisterhood of the Badoon. When the males won the gender wars, the females became confined to the homeplanet while the Brotherhood became conquerors, returning only when their mating instinct demanded it.

Despite being considered a lesser galactic empire, the Badoon have conquered over thirty percent of the Milky Way galaxy and are one of the oldest species in the universe. It is foretold that the Badoon will be come to be the greatest empire in the universe.

Notable Badoon: Aladi No Eke, Brother Royal, Czar-Doon, Dara No Eke, L'Matto 
First Appearance: Silver Surfer #2 (Oct. 1968)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: 2/3

 

 

The Universal Church of Truth

The Church is a star-spanning religious empire literally powered by faith. Their "faith engines" are powered by the belief and dedication of their followers which empowers their army. They possess hypnotic abilities that compel devotion and worship. Those worlds that will not convert voluntarily are destroyed as heathens.

The Church is ruled by a woman simply referred to as "the Matriarch" but the subject of their devotion is the Magus, a dark counterpart to the genetically-engineered "perfect" human being called Adam Warlock. Possessing incredible abilities, both are god-like beings. The Church possesses Templeships to deploy their armies consisting of Cardinals, Grand Inquisitors, and Black Knights.

Since they worship a humanoid diety, the Church sees the humanoid form to be the ideal form and non-humanoids are lesser creatures which are either enslaved or killed as they see fit.

Notable Converts: Matriarch
First Appearance: Strange Tales #178 (Feb. 1975)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: 2/3

Xandarians

The Xandarians are known for two things: their homeworld getting repeatedly blown-up and the interstellar guardians of law and order known as the Nova Corps. Xandar was first destroyed by the alien Zorr, again by Nebula, and finally by the Annihilation Wave. Prior to its final destruction, fragments of Xandar were maintained by a vast artificial support structure referred to collectively as "the Xandar Cluster."

The Nova Corps are a noble group of peacekeepers chosen from planets across the known universe. Each are given a portion of their collective power known as the Nova Force which enables flight, shielding, energy projection, and gravity-based powers as well as a connection to the Nova Corps' sentient supercomputer called Worldmind.

The ranks of the Nova Corp are as follows: Nova Prime (singular leader of the Corps), Centurian (elite), Denarians (mid-level), Millenians (low-level),  and Corpsmen (rookies).

Notable Xandarians: Rhomann Dey
First Appearance: Fantastic Four #205 (April 1979)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: Confirmed (Rhomann Dey)

Kymellians

A horse-like humanoid species, the Kymellians destroyed their homeplanet centuries ago in an anti-matter experiment gone horribly wrong. The survivors created a giant artifical world (Kymellia II) to rebuild their civilization. The Kymellians are ruled by a spiritual leader called "the Matriarch" and possess incredible natural abilities such as healing and teleportation. Those who possess greater supernatural abilities are called "Sorcerers.

The human preteen superhero team, Power Pack, gained their abilities from one such Kymellian Sorcerer.

Notable Kymellians: Aelfyre Whitemane, Kofi Whitemane, Ghostmare
First Appearance: Power Pack #1 (Aug. 1984)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: 1/8

Rigellians

The Rigellians are a small, but respected empire of humanoids also known as "Colonizers." Their exceptionally large cranium is a byproduct of their incredible intellect and psionic abilities. They can even change their physical density with the power of thought.

Although not a major part of the Marvel continuity, they frequently appear in cameo roles due to their distinct appearance.

Notable Rigellians: Tana Nile, Guthar, Irani Rael
First Appearance: Thor #131 (Aug. 1966)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: Confirmed ("Commander Rael" of Nova Corps)

Ovoids

Similar to the Rigellians, Ovoids are humanoids with large oval-shaped heads, which developed due to their significant psionic abilities. In addition to telekinesis, the Ovoids have unique the ability to project their consciousness into cloned bodies, making them effectively immortal.

First Appearance: Fantastic Four #10 (Jan. 1963)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: 1/8

Spartoi

A cousin-race to the Shi'ar, the Spartoi hail from the planet Spartax and are indistinguishable from humans. Their empire is ruled by an Emperor and a Council of Ministers. Although little is known about the Spartoi, they have a reputation as advanced warriors, particularly the human-hybrid known as Peter Quill AKA Star-Lord.

Notable Spartoi: Star-Lord, Jason of Spartax
First Appearance: Marvel Preview #11 (June 1977)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: Confirmed (Star-Lord)

Majesdanians

Recently introduced in Runaways, the Majesdanians are a humanoid species that is able to store and manipulate solar energy to enable flight, shields, and energy projection. This accounts for their natural bioluminecence. They have been engaged in a war with the Skrulls for well over a decade and seek to end the war with a royal marriage.

Notable Majesdanians: Karolina Dean, vaDrann, vaRikk, vaDanti, deHalle
First Appearance: Runaways (Vol. 2) #1 (Oct. 2008)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: 1/15

Dire Wraith

A deviant genetic offshoot of the Skrulls created by the Celestials (see Part 2: Cosmic Beings), the Dire Wraith were driven from the Skrull homeworld when they became adept at black sorcery. Today, the male Dire Wraith are primarily invested in science whereas the females of the species continue to practice dark magic. Although both are shapeshifters, females tend to prefer their corporeal form while males prefer a cloud-like phantom state.

After fleeing the Skrull homeworld, the Dire Wraith settled on a planet orbiting a black sun in the middle of a dark nebula. They called this planet Wraithworld. In the black sun, they found they horrible creatures and learned to domesticate them as their servant pets - the deathbirds and hellhounds.

Notable Dire Wraith: Doctor Dredd, Fantasma, Volx, Wraithwitch
First Appearance: Rom the Spaceknight #1 (Dec. 1979)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: 1/12

Galadorians

Ever since a Galadorian ship encountered the Dire Wraith in the Dark Nebula, the two races have been deadlocked in an unending war. A highly intelligent and enlightened people, the Galadorians see it as their duty to prevent the Dire Wraith from threatening the rest of the universe. To that end, Galadorian volunteers have permanently transferred their consciousness into cyborg bodies (called "Spaceknights") in order to combat the threat of the Dire Wraith.

Notable Galadorians: Rom, Ikon
First Appearance: Rom the Spaceknight #1 (Dec. 1979)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: 1/20

 Nomatic Races

Korbinites

After their planet was destroyed by the demonic Asgardian entity Surtur, the Korbinites fled to find a new world... only for that world to be devoured by Galactus.

Continuing as nomads, the Korbinites are protected by their superhuman guardian, Beta Ray Bill, who was given a mystical uru hammer similar to Thor's by Odin.

Notable Korbinites: Beta Ray Bill
First Appearance: Thor #337 (Nov. 1983)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: 1/30

Makluans 

A race of space faring dragons that are typically noble, peaceful, and extremely long lived. While in their immature phase, they resemble a large humanoid, they can grow to be hundreds of feet in length. The Makluans possess advanced technology that can seem like magic and, in fact, created the ten rings worn by the Mandarin.

Notable Makluans: Fin Fang Foom, Fraktur, Axonn-Karr
First Appearance: Strange Tales #89 (Oct. 1961)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: 1/20

Acanti

Space whales.

Notable Acanti: Prophet-Singer
First Appearance: Uncanny X-Men #157 (May 1982)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: 1/10

 

 

Parasitic Races

Brood

Inspired by the xenomorphs of the Aliens franchise,  the Brood (colloquially referred to as "sleazoids") are a giant wasp-like creature which reproduces by laying eggs in the stomach of a host body. As the egg hatches, the host body becomes possessed and slowly transforms into a Brood. The new Brood body will then possess the abilities and memories of the host body, but the original mind will be destroyed. These parasites are ruled by a queen and usually travel via space faring organic entities (i.e. the Acanti) or by stowing aboard alien ships. They often have wings and/or tentacles, but all have ant-like legs and a scorpion-like double-pronged tail.

Notable Brood: Brood Queen, Broo*, No-Name
First Appearance: Uncanny X-Men #155 (March 1982)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: 1/8

"Symbiotes"

Erroneously referred to as "symbiotes" by the people of Earth, this misconception is due to the entities seductive nature. Although this species has no known name, they are a parasitic organism that feeds on negative emotional energy while heightening natural abilities. They typically choose hosts that are prone to anger and encourage hostile activity, which it then feeds off of. The organism also has a natural camouflage that makes the host nearly invisible.

The major weakness of the species is exposure to fire or high-intensity sonic energy.  Due to their highly adaptable nature, the symbiotes are also highly prone to mutation, however the exact method of symbiote reproduction is not entirely understood.

All that is known of their history is that their homeworld was devoured by Galactus, leaving them destitute.

Notable Symbiotes: Venom, Carnage, Toxin, Anti-Venom
First Appearance: Spectacular Spider-Man #91 (June 1984)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: 1/20

Technarchy/Phalanx

A shapeshifting techno-organic species from the planet Kvch, the Technarchy is an extremely dangerous and aggressive species that feeds on entire worlds. The Technarchy do no digest food, but rather feed by infecting lifeforms with a Transmode Virus which transforms the prey into a techno-organic being only moments before draining the subject's "lifeglow" effectively killing them.

If the lifeglow is not drained, the victim may become a separate species known as the Phalanx. Although vary similar to the Technarchy, the Phalanx is a collective entity directed by a single Hivemind with the solitary goal of assimilating all lifeforms to create a larger collective. The Technarchy consider the Phalanx to be an abomination (similar to a zombie) and will destroy them on sight.

The Technarchy have a very Darwinian method of reproduction whereby the offspring is required to combat and slay their parent ("siredam") to usurp their position. Since they tend to grow more powerful with age, the parent is rarely killed and few survive to adulthood.

Notable Technarchy: Magus, Warlock, Tyro
Offshoot Races: Phalanx
First Appearance: New Mutants #18 (Aug. 1984)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: 1/30

Other Notable Races

 

Chitauri

Originally introduced in alternate universe of The Ultimates, the Chitauri were analogous to the Skrulls, possessing their shapeshifting abilities and even saying that they were known by that name on other planets.

When the Avengers feature film was developed, the Chitauri name was used to introduce an unrelated race of alien invaders. These aliens were redesigned to look like living corpses and were, appropriately enough, revealed to be the army of the cosmic death god, Thanos.

Although the Chitauri have recently been introduced in the primary Marvel universe series Nova, they have yet to be fully developed.

Notable Chitauri: "Herr Kleiser"
First Appearance: The Ultimates #8 (Nov. 2002)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: 1/2

Centaurians

These blue humanoids are recognizable for their pointed ears and distinctive red fin along their head. Little known fact, Centaurians are marsupials (as shown here). Their language consists of a complex series of grunts, clicks, and whistles. Consequently, it is difficult for them to form alien syllables, so they have a reputation for being terse.

Centaurian society is relatively primitive and tribal with their culture is divided into two ideological sects: the Habaku, a religious movement translating as "the Circle of Life," and the Akuun, the secularists or faithless.. Despite the fact that they are a space-faring people, they still favor the bow and arrow as their preferred weapon. Their race also has a slight predisposition toward psionic and mystic abilities, but this is not reflected in the general population.

Notable Centaurians: Yondu, Chandra, Samaya
First Appearance: Marvel Super-Heroes #18 (Jan. 1969)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: Confirmed (Yondu)

Mephitisoids

Although gaining their name from the taxonomical designation for a skunk, the design for the Mephitisoids has become more cat-like over time. While they are considered part of the Shi'ar Empire, they are a rebellious planet known for insurrection. Most Mephitisoids consider their world occupied by the Shi'ar.

Notable Mephitisoids: Hepzibah, Morrow
First Appearance: X-Men #107 (Oct. 1977)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: 1/5

Strontians

An extremely rare and powerful species, the Strontian homeworld was destroyed long ago leaving only one known survivor - Kallark. Better known as Gladiator, Kallark serves as Praetor of the Shi'ar Imperial Guard. Inspired by the power set of Superman, Gladiator possesses strength, speed, invulnerability, and powerful eye blasts that are virtually unparalleled in the Marvel universe. It has recently been revealed that there are at least two other Strontians: a psychopathic female called Xenith and Kallark's son, Kubark, also known as Kid Gladiator.

Notable Strontians: Kallark (Gladiator), Xenith (the Strontian), and Kubark (Kid Gladiator)
First Appearance: X-Men #107 (Oct. 1977)
Chance of Appearing in GotG: 1/30

Coming Soon...

Part 2: Cosmic Beings

Pilot Season - Fall 2013

It has been a long summer with record heat and almost nothing to distract me from it. On the plus side, I have subscribed to a lot of new YouTube groups. Fortunately, I no longer have to rely solely on talented amateurs because the new fall season has begun!

I was actually completely unprepared for this season with all of my attention on just one show. So when pilot season came around, I was entirely surprised by how many intriguing new shows were available.

I picked the best of the lot, six shows that sounded most interesting, and decided to review them. Since this is a pilot season review, I will be evaluating the series more for its potential rather than how the episodes stand on their own.

----

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
   starring Clark Gregg
   created by Joss Whedon, Jed Whedon, & Maurissa Tancharoen



This is the one show that I had been looking forward to since it was announced months ago. Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is Marvel Studio's first foray into live-action television with a spin-off series set in the larger, cinematic Marvel universe. The show stars Clark Gregg reprising his role as S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent Phil Coulson who appeared in all of Marvel's "Phase 1" films.

In the pilot, Agent Coulson has recently returned to duty following his death in the Avengers. His rebirth is left a mystery. He seems convinced that the entire thing was all a deception created by him and Nick Fury, yet an enigmatic conversation between Maria Hill (Colbie Smothers) and Dr. Streiten (Ron Glass) indicates a darker secret that he can never know.

Aside from Coulson himself, the episode centers around superstar Agent Grant Ward (Brett Dalton) and a well-meaning cyber-anarchist named Skye (Chloe Bennett). Ward is clearly the young alpha male hero, but the script is quick to show that he is also sensitive and caring through a clever reverse-interrogation scene. Skye herself is a mystery even to S.H.I.E.L.D. as she has deleted all trace of her original identity. This makes me wonder what sort of dark history she had. Perhaps a super-criminal parent?

Rounding out the cast are Melissa May (Ming-Na Wen), an experienced field agent who has voluntarily taken herself out of action, and the technical genius duo of Fitz and Simmons. They both work in a support capacity with Fitz as the chemist and Simmons the engineer.

The plot revolves around Mike Petersen, a hard-working, blue-collar single dad who volunteers for an experiment that gives him superhuman powers. Despite his good intentions, the experimental device that has been grafted to his arm is increasing his anger and paranoia. Since it is based on unstable technology, if Mike doesn't calm down, he will literally explode.

After watching the episode, I have to admit that I'm a little disappointed. Sure, the dialog is clever, there are some great gags, and I like all of the advanced sci-fi spy tech that reminds us that they are actually in the Marvel Universe and not a contemporary intelligence organization... but I can't help but feel like this is the junior team.

Aside from Coulson and Melissa May, the rest of the cast is really young and I can't get that out of my head while I'm watching it. It just screams "television." Unfortunately, Colby Smothers was only in the pilot as a guest star, but I'm hoping that Dr. Streiten will become a regular part of the show, if only to increase the median age of the crew.

The script immediately sets romantic and sexual tension between the two most charismatic young people on the show. He's a tough, pragmatic government man; she's a smart, anarchistic woman. It works a little too well and you feel that inevitable magnetic draw of two polar opposites... and yet I'm already tired of it.

All in all, I would recommend Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. if you are a fan of Marvel Comics, Marvel Films, or high-tech spy adventures a la Mission: Impossible. The script is clever and the characters are familiar yet unique.

To close out, I would like to acknowledge a response from S.H.I.E.L.D. artist Jim Steranko who said the the show “needs to be much tougher, much stranger, much edgier to reach it’s potential.” I would agree with this. This story tepidly uses elements from all Marvel films to inform the powers of its hero. I can see a lot of reasons why this is a good idea, but ultimately, Steranko is right. I want the show to be weirder in both plot and structure. I want the reality bending, sci-fi pinnings of Star Trek, Doctor Who, and X-Files. Not merely a "freak of the week" but a science fiction mystery that makes the viewer question their presumptions of reality. Fortunately, I see the potential for just such a show.

The Michael J. Fox Show
   starring some guy
   created by that same guy



Michael J. Fox plays Mike Henry, beloved New York City news anchor who left the air after he was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease. From the start, it is clear that the show is semi-autobiographical. We are introduced to Mike Henry at home with his family. It is clear that he has been retired for too long because he is annoying his family by being overly involved in their life. Consequently, they are always on the go and never sit down to a meal. When Mike bumps into his former segment producer, he is easily convinced to return to work where he is all too enthusiastically welcomed.

The emotional core of the story is how Mike Henry and the people around him deal with the effects of Parkinson's on their lives. Everyone is supportive, but they all handle it in their own way. His close friends joke about it and his children seem oddly used to it. At one point, his daughter even tries to exploit her father's condition (both physical and societal) to get an easy grade on a project. The plan fails only due to her complete insincerity and she is forced to redo the project more honestly, but the fact that she would try this at all makes her instantly unlikeable. On the other hand, Mike's segment producer, Harris Green, uses his condition to sensationalize their promos and bump up their ratings.

If you can't tell already, I didn't like this show. The premise has promise, but the issue is with the execution. Michael J. Fox seems to have the only fully developed character and even he isn't that interesting. The situation is interesting, and certainly original, but none of the characters around Mike Henry are particularly memorable.

What's curious is that the show knows that we love Michael J. Fox, but in the character of Mike Henry, it questions whether that love is sincere. Do we like Michael J. Fox for who he is, or because he is a celebrity with a debilitating condition? I find that premise very compelling and personal, but there is also a dour tone set over the series. Characters are always negotiating around Mike Henry and his condition, so there is an inherent awkwardness. Awkwardness can either create a comedic situation (The Office) or drain any semblance of humor from a scene (The Office), and unfortunately, the awkwardness in this show is more of the latter.

The Crazy Ones
   starring Robin Williams and Sarah Michelle Gellar
   created by David E. Kelley

Available on CBS.com

This show came completely out of the blue for me, which is surprising since Robin Williams is such a prominant actor and David E. Kelley is one of my favorite writers. In fact, I didn't even know Kelley was the showrunner until his name popped up in the opening credits

But the theme tonight is "Not funny enough to be a comedy; not serious enough to be a drama." Don't get me wrong. Blending comedy and drama has been used to great effect since before Shakespeare, but goofiness undermines the tension in a dramatic scene... and that brings us to our main actor.

Robin Williams plays Simon Roberts who runs an ad agency that he is in the process of relinquishing to his daughter, Sydney (Sarah Michelle Gellar). In this episode, they are in danger of losing their top client, McDonald's, unless they can pitch them a great idea. Evoking one of their own classic commercials, Simon promises a major talent to sing the jingle. This leads us to a cameo appearance by Kelly Clarkson as herself eager to change her image to something sexier. Simon agrees to change the wholesome family jingle into a sexy pop song, then tries to convince her back to the original idea.

Honestly, Robin Williams is given too much screen time and too little to do. He ends up running his mouth with constant jokes and voices which are funny about... 30% of the time... and I'm probably being generous. If you are already sick of Robin Williams, this show won't help.

I can't help but compare this show to Boston Legal, David E. Kelley's previous show and one of my personal favorites. That show starred James Spader and William Shatner, with Spader as the protagonist and Shatner as an enigmatic crazed savant. Simon Roberts has the same qualities of Shatner's Denny Crane and Williams certainly has the acting ability to deliver that, but he lacks a competent foil. Zach Cropper (James Wolk) is his dashing and charismatic protege, but he never gets a chance to show much genuine character. Lauren Slotsky (Amanda Setton) is a typical David E. Kelley female archetype of a sexually forward yet self-possessed woman. There is a brief hair sniffing moment between her and Simon that is typical of Kelley's playfully fetishistic humor and she sells it well, but aside from this moment and the occasional off-camera laugh at Simon's jokes, we don't get much out of her.

Finally, Sarah Michelle Gellar... I didn't like her in Buffy the Vampire Slayer and my opinion hasn't changed much. She plays the stern daughter who had to grow up responsible and serious because her father was wacky and unreliable. By the end of the episode, she learns to get what she wants by being more like him. I'm not sure what it is about her, but Sarah Michelle Gellar makes me feel awkward. When she is in a tough situation, I don't feel sympathy or humor; I just feel uncomfortable. Since she is going to be the heavy in this show, I don't suspect I'll ever get used to it.

Hopefully this show will develop their secondary characters, but I doubt it can last long based solely on the father/daughter relationship of two leads that are both pretty annoying in their own way.

The Goldbergs
   starring Jeff Garlin, George Segal, Wendi McLendon-Covey, and the voice of Patton Oswalt
   created by Adam F. Goldberg



When I heard about this show, I immediately thought it was a remake of the 1949 sitcom series about first and second generation Jewish immigrants trying to adapt to New York City. Then I realized that was stupid and found out that it was like The Wonder Years: an autobiographical, nostalgic family sitcom.

The comparisons to The Wonder Years are obvious from the first line of voice over narration by comedian Patton Oswalt. The show was created by Adam Goldberg and the lead character shares his name, as well as a love for video. He is constantly following his family around and recording their antics. The show is set in the eighties, which really does seem as quaint as the fifties did to us back then.

A large part of my interest in this show came from Jeff Garlin, perhaps best known as Larry David's best friend in Curb Your Enthusiasm. And while he is the best part of the show, most of the humor just doesn't work. The main joke around his character in this episode is that he doesn't say what he means, but just says something insulting instead. This is then subtitled for those of us who don't "speak dad." Unfortunately, Garlin's good-natured presence kind of undercuts the joke. Not to bring up The Wonder Years again, but the father in that series, played by Dan Lauria, was a far more threatening figure. He was a mean, scary dad who you had to struggle to relate to while Murray Goldberg is more like Homer Simpson. He is a good-natured oaf who loses his temper and it plays out pretty predictably

The grandfather, Albert (George Segal), takes Adam under his wing in order to play the cool grandpa, teaching him things like how to flirt with girls. It's a nice relationship and, with proper development, I could see this being the strong point of the series.

Beverly Goldberg is played Wendi McLendon-Covey (Reno 911, Bridesmaids) who is the strong matriarch of the family. She reminds me a lot of Lois from Malcolm in the Middle but without the high-strung intensity that made her stand out. Honestly, McLendon-Covey has never been a standout actress/comedian to me. I liked her well-enough in Reno 911 as the trampy woman who thinks she has class, but as a mother of three, I'm not so sure.

This show has potential, but like the others on this list, I found it awkwardly straddling the line between comedy and drama. If they focused more on one or the other, I could see it becoming much more interesting.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine
   starring Andy Samberg, Andre Braugher, Joe Lo Truglio, Chelsea Peretti, and Terry Crews
   created by Dan Goor & Michael Schur



I have to admit, I wasn't expecting to like this show at all, but it greatly exceeded my expectations.

I've never particularly liked Andy Samberg. I think its that dopey grin of his. It's not that I think he's a bad actor or comedian or even that he has done bad work; he just has a very punchable face. And I haven't changed my opinion, yet I like this show and I'm looking forward to the next episode. That should say a lot about the quality of the show in general.

Andy Samberg is Detective Jake Peralta, the department's lead detective who never managed to grow up. Despite his constant jokes and pranks, he is actually a very good detective and can often spot clues that others might miss. Detective Amy Santiago (Melissa Fumero) is his main competition with the two holding a bet over who gets the most arrests. Jake's best friend is his co-worker, Charles Boyle (Joe Lo Truglio), who has a crush on the overly aggressive officer, Detective Rosa Diaz (Stephanie Beatriz). Rounding out the cast, we have Sergeant Terry Jeffords (Terry Crews) who left field duty to sit behind desk because he had two daughters, Cagney and Lacy, and the Gina Linetti (Chelsea Peretti) as the civilian administrator.

The first episode features the replacement of the old precinct captain, Captain McGintley (Mike Hagerty), with the new precinct captain, Ray Holt (Andre Braugher). Mike Hagerty is a character actor best known for looking like a walrus and even though he only appears for a single quick scene, it is hilarious and I hope he comes back from retirement soon. But Andre Braugher is magnificent. He brings a kind of gravitas to the role that grounds the entire show. He's the perfect straight man for Samberg, not merely absorbing his abuse, but deftly turning his pranks back around on him.

All that said, this still feels like a show that hasn't found its footing, but that's not much of a criticism since I've only seen two episodes. The jokes are a bit flat. They use cut scene flashbacks to limited effect and its a bit jarring. It reminds me of 30 Rock, but somehow it comes off more cartoony, like Family Guy. Hopefully this is just a result of being a new show and soon they will find their own pace and style.

In the unused potential category, I'll put Terry Crews and Chelsea Peretti. These are both fantastically funny actors and they get very little to do in these first few episodes. You'll probably recognize Terry Crews as Herbert Love in the latest season of Arrested Development, but I'll always think of him as President Camacho in Idiocracy.

If you like Andy Samberg or police comedies, you should check this out. And if you don't like it now, check back in a year or two, if Fox doesn't cancel it. This is a great cast and I suspect the show will be fantastic, if given the chance.

The Blacklist
   starring James Spader, Megan Boone, and Harry Lennix
   created by Jon Bokenkamp



I have goosebumps. By far, the winner of pilot season is The Blacklist. In fact, seeing the trailer for The Blacklist was what started me on this pilot binge in the first place.

If you are the daring sort who likes James Spader and/or intense international crime dramas, just stop reading this review right now and go check it out. You will probably enjoy it more if you just go into it cold without any information. If that isn't enough for you, I'll try to explain without spoiling too much.

James Spader is Raymond Reddington, a former high ranking Naval officer who went AWOL only to become an international criminal who brokers deals with other criminals. After decades on the FBI's most wanted list, Reddington has surrendered, offering information on all of his clients, but only if his demands are met, the most important of which is that he will only speak with Elizabeth Keen (Megan Boone), a new FBI criminal profiler with absolutely no experience. Keen claims that she has no connection to Reddington, but clearly he knows her quite well. The title of the series comes from a list of names Reddington has compiled of criminals and terrorists so dangerous and sophisticated that the FBI doesn't even know who they are.

The foundation of this show is James Spader's performance as a charismatic, sociopathic genius. It's easy to compare Reddington to Anthony Hopkin's Hannibal Lecter, particularly in his scenes opposite Keen. Although Reddington is usually in manacles and surrounded by armed guards, it is clear that he is in charge of every situation he is in and that makes for fantastic drama.

I like seeing Harry Lennix (Dollhouse) in the role of Harold Cooper, the man overseeing the entire operation. He brings a quiet and reserved confidence that is appropriate for a man in his position. While the other characters are easy to intimidate, Cooper is always cool, calm, and collected. I'm hoping we will get plenty more scenes with him and Spader, despite Reddington's insistence that he will only talk to Keen.

Now, I have to address the action in this episode because it is phenomenal; in fact, it might even be too good. The villain, Ranko Zamani, plans an abduction of a congressman's daughter... and while the FBI arrives in time to get her first, the kidnappers manage to turn the tables on them in a scene that reminds me of Joker in The Dark Knight. At first, the scene appeared absurdly convenient in how well it is organized, but I wonder if this wasn't all planned. The scope of this action scene alone makes me wonder how much the show will conform to realism versus action. Will we be facing realistic criminals or supervillains?

In fact, there is even a scene where Reddington is imprisoned in a giant glass box that reminds me of Magneto at the end of X-Men. I understand that Reddington is dangerous and crafty and all that, but he doesn't have superpowers so it seems unnecessary. On the other hand, it is so visually compelling that I can't really object that strongly.

But ultimately, this was the best show of the new season. It was the only show where all of the characters felt real and complex (save that one blonde agent), and I was completely absorbed from start to finish. I can't wait for what comes next.

THE WINNER