X-Men Primer - Part 7

If you are confused now, you will hate this blog entry. Although Uncanny X-Men remained the number one selling comic throughout the '90s, there was considerable fan backlash to increasingly complex and confusing stories which either went unresolved or worse, poorly resolved.

While there are definitely some high points in this six year period, for the most part it will be remembered as the era that took the X-Men from the undisputed champion of comic book sales to just another comic book property.

And with that sterling introduction, we go to...

X-Men Prime

When we left off, we had just visited the dark alternate reality known as the Age of Apocalypse which was resolved in X-Men Omega. In order to capitalize on reader interest and refocus the franchise, they came out with another in the Greek character cycle. This was called X-Men Prime.

X-Men Prime brought us back to the regular world of the X-Men to show how things have changed... which is not all that much, aside from Cannonball moving from X-Force to become an official X-Man. The center piece of this issue is when Hank's girlfriend, the reporter Trish Tilby, goes on the news to report that the Legacy Virus has spread to humans. This causes an immediate backlash of anti-mutant paranoia which results in a young mutant being beaten to death by an angry mob.

But more meaningful for the reader is the introduction of the Age of Apocalypse refugees including Hank McCoy's infamous counterpart now known as Dark Beast (or sometimes Bete Noir), Nate Grey, Sugar Man, and Apocalypse's son, Holocaust. For reasons that escape me, the writers decided that Dark Beast and Sugar Man ended up twenty years in the past where Dark Beast created the Morlocks while Sugar Man was responsible for mutant slavery in Genosha.

Holocaust reappears in the present as little more than an extremely powerful skeleton. He is found floating above the Earth by the Acolytes who take him in, but this quickly results in a battle between himself and Exodus which destroys Avalon. As the space station collapses, Colossus takes the brain-dead Magneto to an escape pod and launches him to Earth.

Meanwhile, in X-Man #5 (the only title to survive the crossover), Nate Grey appears in Switzerland where he is naturally confused about the state of... well, reality. Fortunately, he meets a sexy redhead who can explain it to him. Unfortunately, that redhead is Madelyne Pryor. She is later revealed to be a psychic projection from Nate's subconscious creating a mother figure, but that never made much sense to me.

I really enjoyed the series at the time, but I have to say it never really went anywhere. I found Nate much more interesting than his gun-totting, futuristic counterpart. He is essentially just a lost and confused teenager with psychic powers to rival both Professor X and Jean Grey, but coming from an extremely violent world where hope is dead to a... less violent one is an interesting idea that was never fully explored.

Over in Uncanny X-Men, Beast, Bishop, and Psylocke are out in Jersey watching Pulp Fiction in its original theatrical release when they are interrupted by a meteor which turns out to be Juggernaut who was punched here all the way from Canada. When they ask him what happened, all he says is "Onslaught."

In other X-Men news, a series of attacks on humans and Morlocks lead the X-Men to discover an off-shoot of the Morlock's called Gene Nation. This crew was led by Marrow, a girl possessing external bone growths which could be used as weapons. The legacy of Marrow was not impressive. After a botched assassination attempt, Callisto flees to the X-Men where former Morlock leader in absentia, Storm, suddenly decides to defend her people. This leads to a duel between Storm and Marrow echoing her original fight with Callisto, however, this time she removes Marrow's heart. Marrow eventually recovers, having an extra heart as part of her mutation. She eventually comes under the tutelage of Callisto who tries to curb her extremist tendencies.

In Mexico, the escape pod carrying Magneto is discovered by a nun who nurses him back to health. Magneto, fortunately, seems to be suffering from amnesia. Even stranger, when his beard is shaven, it is revealed that he is much younger than before... approximately the age of most of the X-Men. After discovering his magnetic powers, he takes the name Joseph and heads off to find the X-Men, figuring he should seek out other mutants.

Meanwhile, Rogue is going a little crazy after kissing Gambit. She is aware of some dark secret, but not aware enough that she actually knows what it is... leaving the distinct impression that the writer doesn't know either. All that becomes clear is that it has to do with Mr. Sinister.

Back in Uncanny, Sabretooth finally makes his escape, attacking whoever he can in the process. The brunt of the damage is suffered by Psylocke who lies dying in the medlab while Angel looks on helplessly. At Wolverine's assistance, the two of them go to Chinatown to seek a mystic oriental cure for their mystic oriental comrade. With the help of Dr. Strange and Gomurr, they reach the Ebon Vein. Sacrificing a piece of his soul, Warren gives Betsy a new life and nifty tattoo.

But to me, this just made Psylocke even harder to explain. But it did make her darker and, in comic book math, dark = cool. The only real change to the character was her ability to meld in and teleport through shadows.

By the way, Sabretooth was recovered and sent to X-Factor where he was implanted with a control chip and put on a short leash. Between him and Mystique, it seemed that X-Factor was turning more and more into a team of mutant prisoners with their actions dictated by human concerns.

Meanwhile, Hank McCoy finally met his doppelganger when the Dark Beast captured Hank, locked him in a basement and hide him behind a brick wall. During this time, he died his fur blue and became a spy in the X-Men, although I'm not entirely sure why.

Over in Wolverine, fans were teased by this image of Wolverine with hoses attached to him evoking the image of the experiment which gave him his adamantium skeleton. The story follows Apocalypse's servant Ozymandias and Cable's son Tyler (yes, the Summers line gets even more complicated) as they attempt to graft adamanatium back onto Wolverine's bones. Along with some evil programming, they intended to make him Apocalypse's new Horseman of Death. Logan is apparently no equine fan because he rejects the adamantium, shooting it across the room as unbreakable spikes. In the process, Logan mutates into a creature more beast than man and unable to say much other than "grrr."

This follows a really bad habit in comics of offering something that everyone wants only to surprise you with something no one wants. The next few issues featured appearances from Daredevil's Elektra as she tried to reform him, but eventually this whole plot sort of fizzled out (most likely due to public backlash) and Logan just sort of became normal again.

In other mutant affairs, the Friends of Humanity, an anti-mutant hate group, were now stronger than ever as they announced the candidacy of Graydon Creed for president of the United States. The X-Men began to infiltrate the group and investigate their ties to the US government, particularly in a powerful new player by the name of Bastion.

Onslaught

The X-Men finally meet Onslaught when he launches an attack on the mansion. He takes them out fairly easily before revealing his true identity as Professor X. Over the course of this massive crossover which spills through almost every title in the Marvel Universe, it is explained that when Professor X wiped Magneto's mind, something new was created in the amalgamation of their psyches... a destructive entity based on the worst of both men. He consumed other psychics and absorbed their powers, particularly those of Nate Grey and the Fantastic Four's first born, Franklin.

The Onslaught Saga comes to a conclusion when the Avengers and Fantastic Four unite to take him down. Onslaught is destroyed, but in the process, so are all of Earth's greatest champions, namely Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, the Fantastic Four, and a few other Avengers. Soon after, Xavier surrenders himself to the law thereby taking responsibility for his actions.

This storyline was created as a lead-in to Heroes Reborn, an event designed to boost sales by outsourcing their properties to Image Comics. It was an interesting strategy to say that someone else can handle their characters better than them, but I imagine this had a lot to do with their recent bankruptcy filing. For one year, Image Comics produced Fantastic Four, Avengers, Captain America, and Iron Man using their top talent including Jim Lee and Rob Leifeld. For the most part, this was a failure although I personally enjoyed Fantastic Four quite a bit.

In the aftermath of Onslaught, public anti-mutant sentiment reached brand new heights. Most humans blamed all mutants for the death of their heroes making the Friends of Humanity in general, and Graydon Creed in particular, more powerful than ever. The X-Men continued to infiltrate the group, pretending to be mutie haters, particularly Bobby "Iceman" Drake who had become Graydon Creed's right-hand man. Yet after his father, a long-time mutant hating bigot himself, went on television in support of mutants following the Onslaught incident, Creed had his father beaten and killed, then left Bobby in the woods to find his father's body. He didn't know who Bobby really was. He just figured, like father like son.

This roughly coincided with the return of Warren's feather wings, which I can only imagine was due to the fact that real feathers look so much cooler than metal ones. Of course, the trade-off is that it once more makes Warren's powers seem comparatively weak to all of the other opponents they run into. It is a balancing act that they are still working on to this day.

Joining the X-Men following the Onslaught Saga was the mysterious Joseph who took to wearing a generic X-Men uniform and not adopting a codename. He soon became close to Rogue, echoing their relationship in Age of Apocalypse, and creating a love triangle with the now estranged Gambit. Using his magnetic powers and the Professor's alien technology, Joseph manages to give Rogue something Gambit never could... a normal kiss. The moment is soon interrupted by the Shi'ar Imperial Guard's Gladiator who transports them to an alien ship headed for deep space... but more on that later.

In X-Factor, Creed's candidacy comes to an abrupt stop when he is assassinated. Although this image implied Mystique's guilt, I'm not sure that the truth was ever revealed (can't even find it on Wikipedia), however the suspicion was clearly laid at Bastion's feet. This is probably just another plot hole that was more or less forgotten about.

Operation: Zero Tolerance

In the aftermath of the assassination, Bastion manages to institute Operation: Zero Tolerance which involves using Sentinel cyborgs called Prime Sentinels. These were placed in both volunteers and unwitting victims to capture or kill mutants across the country.

Things go bad pretty fast. Half the X-Men are gone in space and the other half get captured in the initial attack. It's even worse for X-Factor who is slaughtered by Sabretooth when he finally manages to escape. While the title limped on for another year, it might as well have been canceled here.

Interestingly, all hopes for stopping Bastion were laid on Iceman who formed a ragtag group of X-Men consisting of any mutant he ran across. The first was Dr. Cecilia Reyes, a force field projector who was recruited by Xavier long ago, but rejected his offer, having no interest in fighting people for a living. Instead, she chose a background in medicine which was destroyed by the Prime Sentinel attack. Before long, they were joined by Marrow, who had reconsidered her life choices with the help of Callisto and a chance encounter with Spider-Man. With the timely assistance of SHIELD and the US government, they manage to stay alive long enough for Bastion to be arrested and imprisoned. All in all, it is not their finest hour.

The Trial of Gambit

Meanwhile, at the Shi'ar homeworld, Rogue, Joseph, Gambit, Beast, Bishop, and Trish Tilby arrive at the far side of the galaxy only to discover the Shi'ar taken over by their old enemies, the Phalanx. In a battle that isn't worth mentioning, they won and returned to Earth... but became a little lost on the way... especially Bishop who did some unholy boot-knockin' with Deathbird then traveled the galaxy and ended up in the future for a while. In my opinion, he should have stayed there.

The other X-Men were soon captured by some old friends of Gambit who had never appeared before and would never appear again. They were hired to take Gambit to a cave in Antarctica where they once again encountered the android called Nanny. Here Gambit was held on trial for crimes against the mutant race by someone wearing the familiar guise of Erik the Red. In the course of the trial, it is revealed that Gambit was hired by Sinister to form the Marauders, leading directly to the Mutant Massacre that killed the Morlocks. Upon seeing what they had done, Gambit managed to save only one mutant, the child who would grow up to become Marrow. During the trial, the X-Men manage to escape, but leave Gambit behind. This show of disapproval lasted roughly two issues, but as they left, the identity of Erik the Red was revealed as Magneto... leading everyone to wonder just who the hell Joseph is.

The Slightly New, Slightly Different X-Men

Following Operation: Zero Tolerance, the team once more reformed, now with the addition of Cecilia Reyes, Marrow, and a character with the unfortunate name of Maggott. The character was never popular, his powers sucked, and he didn't last long, so the less said about him the better.

As for Cecilia Reyes, I always liked her and wish she had become a bigger part of the X-Men. Considering how often they sustained serious injury, it only made sense to have a full time doctor on staff. It was also fun seeing an X-Man who didn't really want to be an X-Man, but didn't have a whole lot of choice.

Marrow, on the other hand, quickly took over the role of the untrustworthy member of the team. Her feral nature brought to the group something that Wolverine had long lacked... an edge born from unpredictability. This was shown in one of the first issues when Wolverine picked a fight with Marrow to prove he is the alpha male. However, this backfires when she sticks one of her blades in his throat...

He got better.

Although Marrow quickly became unpopular, I kind of liked her. There was something to be said for her punk rock personality. Her own healing factor seemed to me more like a side-effect of her painful bone growths making her survive on pain. Sure, she could be a real bitch, but she had a pretty good excuse.

Mutant X

With the quality of the books falling by leaps and bounds, X-Factor and Excalibur were canceled, but for some reason, the adventures of Havok continued in a parallel universe under the title of Mutant X. The premise of the book was that, after an explosion where he was presumed dead, Havok awoke in another universe where he was leader of the Six, this universe's equivalent to the X-Men. Here Storm was still a vampire after her encounter with Dracula giving her the name Bloodstorm, Ice-Man's powers were out of control freezing anything he touches, Warren was called the Fallen (more demon than angel or machine), Hank was a mindless creature called Brute, and Havok himself was married to Madelyne Pryor.

Although the series started strong with a lot of promise, artist Tom Raney soon left and the writing skills of Howard Mackie gave us little more than random moments of "look at who is different in this world!"

The Mostly Old, Mostly the Same X-Men

Less than one year after the X-Men roster changed, it changed again as Nightcrawler, Kitty Pryde, and Colossus returned to the X-Men from Excalibur. By this point, Maggott and Cecilia had left leaving Marrow the only new X-Men.

In their first adventure, they are pitted against mutants claiming to be the X-Men and looking very much like an amalgamation of other X-Men characters. Their one claim to fame is that they are led by Xavier. However, we soon discover that he isn't really Xavier, but Cerebro having gained sentience and creating his own X-Men. Before long, the X-Men run into the Brotherhood of Mutants now run by the real Xavier who used their help to engineer his escape. They team up, destroy Cerebro, and now Xavier is back. All-in-all, a most forgettable adventure.

The Magneto War

The real story begins in the Magneto War when Magneto regroups his Acolytes and creates a giant machine to soup up his magnetic powers. Fortunately, the X-Men aren't the only ones out to stop him. Unfortunately, this story is mainly used to tie-up the Joseph plotline with a new character called Astra who supposedly cloned Magneto as a young man to make him younger and more powerful so that he could kill Magneto. Joseph dies reversing the damage done by Magneto, but is soon forgotten and never mentioned again. The only lasting reprecussions of this storyline is the decision by the UN to grant Magneto control over Genosha as a mutant safe haven... provided, of course, that he stop trying to destroy the world.

Well, the X-Men aren't happy about it, but they are soon whisked off to another dimension before landing in the Skrull homeworld of the past just as Galactus is about to eat the planet. If the words "Skrull" and "Galactus" don't register, don't worry about it. The only notable event here is Marrow being put in a Skrull healing chamber while fixes her mutation problem making her both pretty and nice. All-in-all, she becomes much less interesting. The X-Men hop into a Skrull ship and return to Earth, placing themselves in suspended animation so as to return to Earth in the appropriate time period.

The Twelve

They soon find themselves in another attempt to wrap up continuity as Apocalypse gathers "The Twelve" referring to twelve mutants that were important in some way when they were mentioned in a small piece of dialog over ten years ago. In the story, Apocalypse gathers the twelve as ingredients for creating his perfect vessel. Magneto and Polaris represent the magnetic poles; Storm, Sunfire, and Iceman represent the elements; and... well, I'm already bored. Wolverine is once more chosen as Death, but this time it works and he gets back his adamantium, to the joy of fans everywhere. Nate Grey is chosen as the vessel, but Cyclops leaps into the way thereby becoming Cyclopalypse who is either temporarily destroyed or defeated and runs off weakened.

The Return of Chris Claremont

Soon after, Marvel creates big hype with the return of Chris Claremont to the X-Men, but it turns out to be the biggest disappointment of the year. Whatever skills Claremont had had in his heyday had atrophied resulting in one dimensional characters, insubstantial villains, and way too much repetitive narration. Particularly jarring were the character summaries in every issue which became tedious to read over and over again. It was not an auspicious return.

Counter-X

Meanwhile in X-Force, Generation X, and X-Man, then hot writer Warren Ellis, fresh off of his groundbreaking work on The Authority and Planetary, is brought in to refresh these three failing titles. Unfortunately, his independent style mainly clashes in all three titles and before long, Generation X and X-Man are canceled. Nate Grey falls into comic book limbo, Generation X disbands, and X-Force... well, that's a story for the next blog.

Dream's End

Claremont's run soon winds to a close with Dream's End, a storyline centered around Senator Robert Kelly's bid for the presidency and Moira MacTaggert's attempts to cure the Legacy Virus. Both plans are interrupted by the Brotherhood of Mutants who kill Moira and blow up Muir Island. Professor Xavier's mind holds on to her as she slips away, leaving him with the cure that she had finally found, the only caveat being that it requires the sacrifice of a mutant life as the catalyst. The X-Men succeed in defending Kelly from the Brotherhood long enough for him to call for equal mutant rights, but he is immediately shot and killed by an angry human bigot. In the following story, Colossus injects himself with the cure for the Legacy Virus, sacrificing himself with the memory of his sister close in mind.

Eve of Destruction

Soon after, Cyclops returns from his amalgamated state with Apocalypse. Using their mighty psychic powers, Jean and Cable separate Cyclops from Apocalypse thereby returning things more or less to "normal." He returns just in time to launch a stealth attack on Genosha as Magneto rallies his mutant population for war with the human race. The fight is ended with Wolverine's claws severing Magneto's spine and leaving him, once more disabled... for the time being.

Next

The current and (in my opinion) greatest X-Men era. Come back soon for the conclusion to this X-Men primer... unless it ends up too long and I have to split it into two.

LINKS

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6

Part 8 (coming soon)

Astonishing Adventures: Mini-Profiles 2

Well, I thought I'd post another one of these mini-profiles to get myself energized to work on AA some more. As usual, the pictures below are NOT the characters, but representations I've managed to find through copious amounts of internet scouring.

Colonel Britton

When the Nazi's began bombing London, the British military recruited their most accomplished soldier into their special operations program... a precursor to a superhuman military force. The officer was also given the codename: Colonel Britton and an appropriate costume to encourage troop morale.

Although he is, in many ways, an Anglicized version of Captain America, the name comes from a popular radio broadcaster in Britain at the time.

Dr. Nefarious

Doctor Nefarious is an amoral eugenicist and experimenter who secretly works for the US government. His villainous identity was created as a smoke screen when the government began enlisting the Mechanist to clean up his mistakes. He is a strict Darwinist who believes that science is an extension of the natural process. Everything he does it justified by the natural order of things.

The Fairy Queen

My most recent creation. She possesses the ability to summon brightly colored fairies that do her bidding as well as reflect her mood. They may be real or they may be figments of her imagination, but either way, they can swarm an enemy like giant wasps.

G-Man

In a way, G-Man is ahead of his time because his name is completely ironic. He is J. Edgar Hoover's number one agent and he has been assigned to oversee the mystery man phenomenon. His real name is Dex Corrigan, but he took the name G-Man as a dig at the ridiculous names that the others take. He lacks the true adventurous spirit of a mystery men and will undermine their work if Hoover gives the order.

Lilith

Lilith is the assistant to Dietrich von Frankenstein, descendant of the original Victor von Frankenstein. She is hauntingly beautiful and brings a chill whenever she enters a room. One cannot help but feel close to death when she is around. If she has any special abilities, she does not show it. Most people think she is the creation of Dietrich, but the opposite is closer to the truth.

Miss Mercury

Another recent creation, Miss Mercury is a teenage super-heroine with some minor power or trinket that enables her to play with the big boys. As a junior member of the Allied Hero Brigade, she is kept from the worst of the action and assigned to one of the others at all times. She often travels to the states to promote war bonds, working women, rationing, and is involved with projects to reduce juvenile delinquency.

Pendragon

Hidden behind a full face mask marked with the royal lion crest (not seen because this isn't really him, natch), few people know who he really is, but like his name suggests, he is the returned Arthur Pendragon who was awakened in Avalon after England was threatened by the Nazi forces. His dialect is extremely old fashioned and he often does not understand "modern" ideas, but he is every bit the warrior you would imagine... with or without Excalibur.

Spitfire

This blonde tomboy is possibly the most talented officer in the RAF. She was there when the Nazis first attacked. Most of her friends are dead, but she is still shooting down Gerries over London. When the Allied Hero Brigade is formed, she is assigned as their senior pilot. Her name comes both from her personality and her plane.

The Templar

An old world aristocrat from Eastern Europe, the Templar is, as his name suggests, one of the Knights Templar who gained immortality from drinking from the Holy Grail... however not all of his mystic endeavors has been as successful. He is a practiced magician whose face was horribly scarred and hidden behind an iron mask.

Tigress

One of my favorite creations, Tigress is a high society socialite and daughter of a big game hunter. After her philandering husband donates a female tiger to a local zoo (supposedly in her honor), she starts to obsess over it. One day, it breaks out of the zoo and attacks her, but her husband shoots it. This is the moment of her breakdown. She sees herself in the noble, captured animal. She kills her husband and becomes a jewel thief.

Titan

One of the first to join the official US supersoldier program, Titan uses a special growth formula to exponentially increase his mass. Unfortunately, the drug is highly addictive and unstable. He is a good man who is a bit naive and completely unprepared for the demon he invited into his body.

Vesper

The daughter of a four-star general, Mary Jane was accidentally exposed to a chemical which made her invisible. Using this new power and the fighting abilities she learned from being in a military family, she took the identity of Vesper to fight criminals and spies. In her day job, she is a rising, young New York model. After joining the Allied Hero Brigade, she and the Enigma fall deeply in love.

There are more characters yet to be revealed, but for them, I don't have any pictures that are even halfway decent.

UPDATE: I have one more to add to this list.

Clara

The Mechanist created a Mechanical assistant by using his experimental "electronic brain." Unlike a computer, this system functions via complex electrical impulses that build their own pathways. As a result, their mental faculties are somewhat limited and they can exhibit seemingly random behavior. Whether this is a glitch or an evolutionary property is up to debate.

Casting the ultimate Superman movies

Well, I wrote a couple of blogs about how to inject a little life into a Superman movie (parts 1, 2, & 3), but the closer we seem to be getting to a new Superman movie, the less we know about it. With any luck, Bryan Singer will not be invited back for a sequel, nor will Brandon Routh. Apparently Kevin Spacey is still signed on, if they want him (although he's probably on pay or play, so he gets paid either way).

In any case, rather than talk about the series thematic strengths or most relevant characters, I thought I would play Hollywood and cast the movie myself... hell, I'll cast the next several. So here are my choices for the ultimate Superman movies.

The Director - Steven Spielberg

Who better to portray the greatest American icon than America's most iconic filmmaker? Now, I'm not a huge Spielberg fan in general, but I have to imagine that no one could do it better. Whatever your thoughts about the new Indiana Jones film, I haven't heard anything against Spielberg's directing. Unlike Lucas, he can tell an action story as well as he ever could.

Maybe Spielberg wouldn't be interested if he couldn't produce it through Dreamworks, but if not, you could go with Peter Jackson, who obviously loves to work on big, iconic epics. Or the Wachowski brothers whose ending to The Matrix looked like a backdoor Superman pitch while Speed Racer proved that they can work in vibrant colors for an all-ages audience.

The Writer - William Goldman

For the script, I'd go with award winning writer William Goldman (The Princess Bride, All The President's Men, Chaplin, The Stepford Wives). He already wrote a Shazam! script, so I bet he'd be willing to do Superman.

One thing really going for Goldman is his age. He would have been seven years old when Superman came out. How many great screenwriters remember what Superman was like in the very beginning? Probably not too many. But most importantly, he knows how to write a strong script with a tight structure.

Other possible writers Nicholas Meyer, who revitalized the Star Trek franchise with Wrath of Khan. He is great with characterization and big, science fiction adventures. Lawrence Kasdan is another writer known for his characterization, but also for the last two Star Wars movies. You know, the ones that had good dialog.

Comic writer, Mark Millar, best known for the Wanted comic upon which the movie was based, has written award-winning Superman comics and wants nothing more than to write the movies. As a comic writer, he would be far more experienced with the Superman mythos. He wrote the amazing Superman: Red Son. Actually, they should team him up with Grant Morrison who, as of about a week now, is one of the official DC superhero movie consultants. Morrison wrote the modern classic All-Star Superman and has collaborated with Millar before.

The Musician - John Williams

Hands down. He did the original Superman movie, Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Harry Potter, and just about every memorable score ever. No choice. You go with the best.

Superman / Clark Kent - Tom Welling

I never said I was going to be original! I never would have suggested this a year ago, but Welling has really grown into the role, so much so that I can't imagine anyone better. He has all of the awkward charm of Clark Kent along with the self-assured gentility of Superman.

He was 24 when he took the role as a sophomore in high school which means he's 32 now... the perfect age to play the adult Superman.

The only pitfall they need to avoid is making it a Smallville movie. This would restrict them to "established continuity" which would be a needless straight jacket the production of this film. People are smart enough to figure out that there are multiple interpretations of a character.

Lois Lane - Erica Durance

Another one ripped straight from Smallville, but I have never seen a Lois Lane performance that was more engaging, complex, and true to the comics. Erica Durance perfectly captures the fast talking, fast living reporter who is moving too fast to see who mild-mannered Clark Kent really is.

Come to think of it, Margot Kidder, Teri Hatcher, and Kate Bosworth all did a pretty horrible job. Lois always either seemed ditsy or like a bitch. Probably the best actress previously was the original, Noel Neill, from the serial and TV show.

Its hard to explain what I like about this feisty character so, check out this clip of Clark and Lois from Smallville and see if you can see it too.

Jimmy Olsen - Michael Cera

You know, I was going to disqualify him for being too old... then I found out he's ten years younger than Tom Welling and Erica Durance, so let's go for it! As I said before, Michael Cera is perfect for the role of Superman's pal. His quirky, awkward sense of humor perfectly fits everyone's favorite photographer. And since audiences like him anyway, when you put him in danger, people will care.

Perry White - Martin Sheen

This was a hard one to cast and it's always been the most overlooked role in Superman, but Perry White is the old wise man of the Daily Planet crew. He's the one that challenges them and supports them.

Since J. Jonah Jameson was such an effective character in the Spider-Man movies, it seems important that Perry White be effective as well... but in a different way, obviously. So I decided to cast The West Wing's Martin Sheen in the role, as someone who can be both admirable and frightening... sometimes at the same time. I see him as a man who thinks of himself as preserving the integrity of print journalism when no one else is. Why are Lois, Clark, and Jimmy his favorites? Because they are serious and ethical reporters.

Ma & Pa Kent - K Callen & Eddie Jones

My favorite Ma & Pa Kent (AKA Martha and Jonathan) were the ones from Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman. They might be too old to play Tom Welling's parents, but this is a role that you can cast to unknown actors. You just want ones that are charismatic.

Often in the Superman mythos, Jonathan Kent dies before Clark becomes Superman, but I always saw more storytelling potential if both of his parents are alive. Is this idea based on the Freudian presumption that you need to kill your father to become a man?

Lex Luthor - Clancy Brown

Perhaps the second most important role next to Superman himself. So far, like Batman before Begins, we have only seen the goofy Lex Luthor in the films. It's time to see the diabolical Lex Luthor... the Lex Luthor who became President Luthor. The Lex Luthor whose genius and ego are equal to Superman's strength and humility.

Although Kevin Spacey could play this, after the last movie, I'd like the role to move to someone new... ish. This is another bit of unoriginal casting as Clancy Brown played the role of Lex Luthor in Superman: The Animated Series as well as Justice League... but damn, he did it well. And you want to talk about scary? Check out Highlander, Shawshank Redemption, and Carnivalé. Clancy Brown can epitomize evil.

Check out this clip if you don't believe me.

Brainiac - Patrick Stewart

The other thing that clip should have taught you is that Brainiac would be an awesome villain to star in the next film. Lex is played out as the main antagonist, but he would be incredible as a supporting character ready to stab you in the back the moment it is most advantageous.

Brainiac would be a fantastic villain and I think Locutus himself should play the role. Patrick Stewart is really excellent at playing villains, particularly cerebral ones. Brainiac could serve almost as an abstract father figure... the only other survivor of Krypton. But ultimately, Brainiac represents cold, computer logic over human compassion and that is where the conflict comes in.

Darkseid - James Earl Jones

For the big, booming voice of pure evil, I would like to see the man who originally defined "the dark side." James Earl Jones (you know, there is no proper way to abbreviate his name) would not only provide the perfect voice, but the visual basis for a character who would be best portrayed in CGI at eight or nine feet tall. Stick a bunch of ping-pong balls on him, and he could model all of the action... which is more than he ever did for Star Wars.

More than anything, I just think you need a colossal threat for Superman, and who is a big enough threat for the greatest, most powerful hero ever? A dark God.

But just in case old J.E.J. isn't interested, you could go with the animated series voice of Michael Ironside or The Matrix's Lawrence Fishburne or another Star Trek captain, Avery Brooks.

General Zod - Gerard Butler

In the event that they do bring back General Zod, Gerard Butler who played King Leonidas would be a great choice. I only hope that if they make a movie around him, they wait at least three films. We really need to see some things in Superman that we haven't seen before and a remake of Superman II would send the wrong impression. You need to take us away from something before we can get nostalgic for it.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. Got any better ideas? I want to hear 'em.

OMFG! Raimi on WoW! LOLZ!

So Sam Raimi is directing the movie for World of Warcraft...

...


Yeah.

...

yeah.

If I have to hear him pretend that this is anything other than a paycheck for him, he will lose all of my respect.

Picard rap