Just say no to Kryptonite!
You know what I think every time I see this hunk of rock appear in a Superman movie or TV show? "Oh great. Now I have to sit through at least five minutes of horrible acting where the actor stumbles around the set for a while pretending to be generically sick and weak before, inexplicably, managing to overcome the sickness presumably through the power of will." It has all of the dramatic tension of food poisoning.Kryptonite is a writer's crutch for when they don't have a threat big enough for Superman. Any idiot can stop Superman with a little bit of kryptonite. It is a hold-over from when Superman fought mostly gangsters, but it is repeatedly used as a check to Superman's incredible powers.
But kryptonite is essentially a cop out and it makes the story worse. It moves the threat from a villain or a natural disaster to a rock. Granted, a glow-in-the-dark rock, but still. At its best, kryptonite is used to accentuate the existing threat by fashioning a kryptonite bullet or bomb which presents an immediate threat rather than a tedious scene of overcoming discomfort. But for the purposes of a movie, I say leave it out. It isn't essential to the story and depicting Superman as being vulnerable to more than one thing would go a long way to restoring public interest in the character.
Michael Cera should play Jimmy Olsen
It's not even open to discussion. Sure, Jimmy Olsen was one of the better parts of the last movie, but he was such a caricature of a dorky cub reporter that if he had any more screen time, I'd want to kill him.Superbad's Michael Cera would bring some much-needed street cred to a movie which comes with the baggage of being perceived as hokey and out of touch. Yet, at the same time, Cera has an awkward sense of humor that would fit the character like a glove.
The Fortress of Solitude and Krypton
Superheroes have secret headquarters for the same reason that boys have club houses. It is a place that is completely for them where they can just be themselves and play with their toys. In the current series of movies, the Fortress of Solitude is depicted as a crystal palace that is completely lifeless and unwelcoming.I always thought that this was the dullest place in the world, nothing like Superman's original Fortress of Solitude which had a key so large and heavy that only Superman could lift it. It included a team of Superman robots, an alien zoo, hundreds of super-science experiments, a trophy room, and a huge statue of his parents holding Krypton over their heads.
This is the Fortress of Solitude I want to see in the movies. This is a place I would actually like to go. Similarly, I'd like to see what Krypton was like before it was destroyed. Often, it is shown to be cold and lifeless, but to me, that makes it seem like Superman was lucky his planet was destroyed. I want to see the majesty of the Krypton that was, complete with Fire Falls, Gold Volcano, and Jewel Mountain.Well, that in a nutshell is what I think would make for a great Superman film. What do you think?
1 comment:
The Kryptonite issue reminds me of a discussion I heard about the Superman video games, and their consistent suckiness. Part of the blame fell on the inapplicability of the usual system of health bars or little hearts that tick off every time your character gets punched in the ass. Can you do this for Superman? He's fuckin' Superman!
I was later watching the old '50's TV series with George Reeves, and had an epiphany. I leapt to my feet - "Of course!" I cried. "Just avoid the issue. Superman doesn't need to be in physical danger himself. Rather, like the show, he should be racing against the clock or against human minds to rescue someone else. If Lois were to finally get sawed in half in the old mill, that would constitute failure for Superman. He doesn't need to be personally threatened."
No one was there to hear me, of course. But yeah, some villain pulling out a hunk of Kryptonite is pretty tiresome at this point. And where do all these hunks of kryptonite come from, anyway? Volcanoes?
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